16 Pieces of Good (and Bad!) Advice for Dealing with Family Disagreements
Holiday Get-Togethers Are Here—Deal with It!
Isn’t it great how the holiday season always comes right after election season!
What a fine time to break bread with family members you rarely see—except on social media, where their posts on politics, parenting, food, religion, and more make your eyes roll and your blood boil.
And how I hate those, “How to Talk to Your Ignorant Family Members During the Holidays” lists that appear this time of year. The smugnorance is just too much, and even the attempts at open mindedness often come across as insincere.
So does that make me a hypocrite for coming up with my own list? Maybe, but I’m doing it anyway.
Please enjoy/endure my list. I’ve mixed good advice with bad, so the choice is yours!
Here’s how to talk to your family members during the holidays …
Pretend to time travel 30 seconds into the future. Think about that snarky thing you want to say, imagine the fallout it will generate, then ask yourself: Is that the kind of world I want to live in?
Aim for clarity. Tell them you’re not going to try to convince them of anything, you just want to understand what’s most important to them.
Ask them to recommend an article or podcast that is a good representation of their point of view. If you’re feeling really generous, ask them to recommend a book. But remember, you’re going to have to read it! Your gesture might prompt them to ask you the same question, so be prepared with recommendations.
After everyone sits down to eat, tell your family you have an announcement to make. Then say: "I'm disgusted by the blood I carry in my veins because I'm related to you people!"
Listen without thinking of a response. Too many of us behave like the opposite of talking is waiting to talk. I once heard something like that as the punchline to an Italian joke, but it applies to many cultures. We shouldn’t feel the need to smother every bit of silence with yammering. If your aunt finishes talking and you don’t immediately blurt words back into her face, guess what she’ll think. She’ll think you’re really listening. She’ll think you’re really mulling over her thoughts—whether or not you actually are, you’ll get credit for being civilized!